"The Suicide of Pastor Jarrid Wilson" - thoughts from a suicide survivor.

I have to admit, I dont know this young man, and this is the first I am hearing of him. My heart goes out to his family and loved ones. And from what I've been reading of him, he was doing some good work in sharing his faith as well as sharing about mental health awareness. My prayers for everyone affected by his passing.

This is yet another opportunity to remove the stigma and shame around struggling with depression to the point of feeling suicidal. It is never easy asking for help, and when a stigma is attached to it, that increases the possibilities of staying silent.

Jarrid's website has several articles he wrote about depression. Impressive articles that suggest he understood what he was struggling with. This isnt going to be a writing about what he did or did not do right. None of us have the answer to that. And it appears he did everything he should have done, and had faith in Jesus.

As a 3 time suicide attempt survivor, having 2 nervous breakdowns and a 5 day coma under my belt, I can honestly say I understand intimately what it means to deal with depression to the point of attempting suicide. Have I been cured? No! But I understand the cycle now, and I am very intimate with my insecurities and issues. The secret to my success is The Word. I read it, I breathe it, I depend on it for my sanity and mental well being. In and of myself, I am a wreck and failure - no arguments about that. However, my success, process, excellence, value and worth is in my identity in Christ. I AM the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. So when the feelings of zero self worth start harassing and plaguing my mind, I run into His presence to remind myself who I am in Him. It is a process that never gets old. I would like to believe that I have been changed from ever having the desire to attempt suicide. But I know once I stop reinforcing my self worth and value in His presence daily in His word, then I am left to my devices.

I also have resources I use. I see a counselor regularly to vomit out my feelings. I've shared things with him that would astound vanilla-minded folks. I also have a sponsor, who knows literally everything there is to know about me. And I am accountable to my pastor as well, who I've shared some "thangs" with. 

Overkill? I think not. I'd rather do overkill and be alive, than think I got this, and be another casualty.

I dont ever want to do church, ministry and all that goes with it. I always want to do "an intimate relationship with God through Jesus daily". And I have zero intentions in pretending about my flaws and issues. Nobody will hold me hostage to living up to a standard that attempts to crucify me. Instead I will live daily renewing my mind in the word, and thereby being transformed by the Word (God's power) at work within me. #Selah.