The first time I experienced this conundrum, it was very confusing. I was aware of the intimate relationship I had with God. The inner peace that surpasses human understanding was intact, yet there was also a gnawing emptiness that was there - a bluesy feeling I was trying to pretend wasn't there. I tried hard to focus on the fullness of Jesus to fulfill and complete me. Yet there was an aspect of me I couldn't pretend away suggesting the presence of Jesus wasn't enough. Or so I seemed to conclude from evaluating the situation.
The saga of Elijah at Mt Carmel and what ensued afterward appears to add some clarity to this.
1 Kings 18:20 - 19:9 Describes the experience of Elijah, from his mountaintop high to his valley low.
18:22-25: Elijah has so much confidence in God that he dares to believe the impossible. To pray down fire from heaven. Nobody had done that (and nobody has), yet he was operating on a level of faith that believed in the accomplishment of this.
18:30-34: To add to the odds, he asked that the sacrifice be drenched with loads and loads of water. Not only was he going to pray fire to consume the sacrifice, but the sacrifice was also going to be drenched with loads of water.
18:36-39: He quietly prayed for God to prove himself as Lord. And God did. Fire fell from heaven and consumed the drenched sacrifice. The fire consumed everything, even the water!
18:41-44: Not only did Elijah pray down fire, he believed for a thunderstorm to pour. After silently believing and praying, a dark fiery thunderstorm indeed appeared from the horizon and poured down!
18:45-46: He did not only these incredible performances by faith, but he also received a supernatural endowment of strength and ran ahead of King Ahab's chariots!! That's a physical ability to run faster than the stellar breed of the king's horses pulling the king's chariot!
19:1-2: Queen Jezebel swears that if she doesn't do to him what he did to her false prophets which was to behead them, may the gods deal with her ever so severely.
19:3-5: Something about her bewitched pronouncement struck fear in him. This was the incredible prophet who called down fire from heaven and led the slaughtering of 400 false prophets. Yet this incredible prophet was struck with fear and fled for his life. Not only was he now afraid, but he was also now tired and exhausted. And he prayed for death. He had become suicidal!
19:5-6: He slept! Sleep, rest, a place of solace is very necessary in the midst of psychological stress and trauma. Find a way to rest! Even the divine ministration of God in sending an angel to him was to feed him twice and allow him to rest. God did not tell him to remember when he prayed down fire and thunderstorm, or when he ran in front of a chariot. He simply ministered to him and allowed him rest. An expansion of his experiences might be that he had experienced a corresponding low. The suggestion might be with every incredible spiritual high experienced, give yourself permission to rest and come down from that high. From a mental health perspective, the takeaway is one can have a relationship with God and perform great acts or achievements of faith, and still get to a place of mental exhaustion, fatigue, and disillusionment. It doesn't mean the presence of God is absent. And the presence of God can actually minister what is needed for the individual. A misconception is the individual is weak, operating in a lack of faith or weak faith, or that they did something or sinned against God.
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