For as long as you have been getting high, one thing should be obvious by now: You can never win if you choose to get high as a lifestyle. Sooner or later the house of cards will come crashing. This much you should be real about.
Pretending you are invincible and immune to the pitfalls of drug use is gross self denial.
Of course I understand that this will be a lifetime struggle, one you will always wrestle with as long as you live; I understand that people who have never been plagued by this disease will never understand. They will assume everything just ends once you say no and quit using; I understand that you feel vilified for indulging in a private indulgence that harms nobody, and that everyone should mind their business.
However, your life quit being your own the moment you came into this world. Yes, you are an adult and can make whatever choices you want, but it always affects everyone directly or indirectly connected with you.
It is not your life to live as you want.
Get to this realization, admit you need help, and quit defending or justifying your flaws. It is what it is, and it will devour you if you attempt to glamorize or normalize it.
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