"Suicide was hope to me" EP

"Suicide was hope to me". A very bold title for an album. Yet it reflects the state of mind I was in. I am a 3 times suicide attempt survivor. The last 2 attempts left me in a coma for 5 days, and the final one had me experiencing an out of body experience, and drifting away into the here after.

Someone asked me to write a song about my suicidal frame of mind. I already have published 2 books about it, so I jumped on the challenge. "Suicide was hope to me" is an EP of 4 songs about my journey. It isnt about trying to make a popular or even acceptable kind of music. I just wanted to share the experience I went through.

WHEN WILL THIS BE

It starts with this song, which is a cry out for help. When will it be that I can find escape from the pain and confusion consuming me from within? Where is the hope and peace we all long for? Will I ever find it?

WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE

This song is more of a musical interlude, and it is a cry out from a point of nexus. I knew the distractions I was using to medicate the emptiness and loneliness within were not working, but I felt I had no alternative. What else was I supposed to do but cry out for help?

SOMETIMES

"Sometimes" is a conversation with Jesus. Even though I had a relationship with Him, I was still feeling lonely, depressed and even suicidal. This was me expressing my inner conflicts to Him.

MY NEW LIFE

This song is my song of redemption. Through all the gloom, doom and inner conflicts, somehow God brought me through and gave me a second chance at living. I have a new lease at life because of His grace

Restoration Music Video

I wrote this song after doing a bible study on restoration. I was particularly moved by the Shunamite woman's story. Her land was taken from her, but when she came to the king to make her plea, he not only restored everything she lost, he added every profit and dividend she should have received!
When Job had his fortunes restored, the bible says it was restored a double portion. And King David recovered everything the Amalekites stole from him.

We have all had areas in our life where our ignorance, disobedience or even riotous living has caused us to have things stolen from us by the enemy. We allowed him come in, and he comes to steal, kill and destroy. But we thank God that he is a Restorer of lost hopes, dreams and fortunes. He promised in his word he will restore the years that the caterpillar and cankerworms have eaten.

This song is a reminder, confession and affirmation of God to restore everything stolen from us.
Restoration is available on all digital music platforms

See lyrics below:

The Lord my God has brought me out of captivity.
He has always had compassion on me.
Just as David recovered all the Amalekites came and took from him

I will recover all that the enemy took from me. 

And like the Shunammite woman, all my land, he restored, all I lost, is restored, all my loss is restored yeah
All my land is restored, all I lost is restored, all my loss is restored yeah

The King of kings has restored everything that belongs to me
Every proceeds from the day it was taken from me
From then till now, every portion, every gain, every dividend
Every door that was closed to me, now open mhhh mhhhh,

Double portion and twice as much, like he did for Job he has done for me
Allowed me to see many many many troubles
Brought me up from the depths to increase my greatness
Comforting comforting meeee

Blessing the Lord with my heart and my soul
Blessing the Lord with my heart and my life
Blessing the Lord with everything everything everything that’s within me
Blessing Him His Holy Name

Never forgetting forgave all my sins
Never forgetting heals all my disease
Never forgetting redeeming my life, redeeming my life, redeeming my life

Renewing my strength as I wait on the Lord
Renewing my life as I never grow old
Restoring my youth, restoring my health, restoring my life, restore me to fly
Repairing my breach, restoring my streets, anointing my life, anoint me to rise
Watering my life I will never run dry, filled with your life I can never run dry

Psalm 23

I was reading Psalm 23 from The Voice bible translation, and some specific verses leaped out differently to me. So here's me sharing what it spoke to me.

He soothes my fears; He makes me whole again, steering me off worn, hard paths to roads where truth and righteousness echo His name (Verse 3)

He does the soothing of your fears. You don't have to psyche yourself, or do some mental trick, or emotional regime. You simply depend on Him to soothe whatever fear that's plaguing you.
He makes you whole again. Any area of your life where you are or feel less than, he infuses wholeness.

He steers you off that tired path of life, that path that's full of hardship, and weariness. He does the steering, especially when you are tired and helpless with making the difficult adult decisions of life.

Even in the unending shadows of death’s darkness, I am not overcome by fear. Because You are with me in those dark moments, near with Your protection and guidance; I am comforted (Verse 4)

Even when Murphy's Law starts happening, and everything that can go wrong goes wrong, and there's no glimmer of hope in sight......even then, you are not overcome by fear. Why? Because YOU KNOW He is there even in those moments. And because in His presence is protection and guidance, why should you fear? Instead, you should be comforted, because you ARE comforted

You spread out a table before me, provisions in the midst of attack from my enemies; You care for all my needs, anointing my head with soothing, fragrant oil, filling my cup again and again with Your grace (Verse 5)

Smack in the middle of hell's attack on your life, He gives you provisions. Every need you have is cared for. His oil of anointing is flowing in your life. Not just flowing, but overflowing and running over. This is the truth. You must therefore stir up that oil of anointing in your life for it to flow, fill your life, and overflow into the lives of people and situations you're connected with.

Certainly Your faithful protection and loving provision will pursue me where I go, always, everywhere. I will always be with the Eternal, in Your house forever (Verse 6)

Ha! Faithful protection - meaning the protection is committed to keeping you safe. Loving provision - meaning a sense of providence that's looking out for you, better than you can for yourself. These two are not only with you, but eagerly pursuing you everywhere you go. You are never ever without these two. Hallelujah! And because of that, you will forever dwell in His presence, in His habitation, and in His dwelling!

Restoration!!!

It is a NEW MONTH! And we are almost at the end of 2014. It is not too late to experience Divine Restoration from God. Every area in our lives that we have experienced loss in, we declare Divine Restoration in the name of Jesus. Below are some scriptures where God has either promised restoration or has performed it; and we know he is a God who never changes, and is faithful to his word. What he did in the past, he can do again; what he did in the life of someone, he can do in ours.

RESTORATION

Deuteronomy 30:3,9 – “the Lord your God will bring you back from captivity, and have compassion on you, and gather you again from all the nations where the Lord your God has scattered you. The Lord your God will make you abound in all the work of your hand, in the fruit of your body, in the increase of your livestock, and in the produce of your land for good. For the Lord will again rejoice over you for good as He rejoiced over your fathers”

1 Samuel 30:18-19 –  “So David recovered all that the Amalekites had carried away, and David rescued his two wives. And nothing of theirs was lacking, either small or great, sons or daughters, spoil or anything which they had taken from them; David recovered all”.

2 Kings 8:6 - And when the king asked the woman, she told him. So the king appointed a certain officer for her, saying, “Restore all that was hers, and all the proceeds of the field from the day that she left the land until now.”

Job 42:10 – “And the Lord restored Job’s losses when he prayed for his friends. Indeed the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before”

Psalm 71:20-21 – “You, who have shown me great and severe troubles, shall revive me again, and bring me up again from the depths of the earth. You shall increase my greatness, and comfort me on every side”

Psalm 103:1-5 – “Bless the Lord, O my soul; and all that is within me, bless His holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits: Who forgives all your iniquities, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from destruction, who crowns you with loving-kindness and tender mercies, who satisfies your mouth with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s”

Proverbs 6:30-31 – “People do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy himself when he is starving. Yet when he is found, he must restore sevenfold; he may have to give up all the substance of his house”

Isaiah 40:31 – “But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint”

Isaiah 58:11-12 – “The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your soul in drought, and strengthen your bones; you shall be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. Those from among you shall build the old waste places; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; and you shall be called the Repairer of the Breach, the Restorer of Streets to dwell in”

Isaiah 61:7 – “Instead of your shame you shall have double honor, and instead of confusion they shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land they shall possess double; everlasting joy shall be theirs”

Jeremiah 29:11 – “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope”

Jeremiah 30:3 – “For behold, the days are coming,” says the Lord, “that I will bring back from captivity My people Israel and Judah,” says the Lord. “And I will cause them to return to the land that I gave to their fathers, and they shall possess it”

Jeremiah 30:17 - For I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds,’ says the Lord, ‘Because they called you an outcast saying: “This is Zion; no one seeks her.”’

Jeremiah 33:12,14 – “Thus says the Lord of hosts: ‘In this place which is desolate, without man and without beast, and in all its cities, there shall again be a dwelling place of shepherds causing their flocks to lie down. ‘Behold, the days are coming,’ says the Lord, ‘that I will perform that good thing which I have promised to the house of Israel and to the house of Judah’

Joel 2:25-26 - “So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the crawling locust, the consuming locust, and the chewing locust, my great army which I sent among you. You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, who has dealt wondrously with you; and My people shall never be put to shame”

Zechariah 9:12 –“Return to the stronghold, you prisoners of hope. Even today I declare that I will restore double to you”